"That's Beautiful."
It's a phrase I say often, probably 30+ times a day. It's an inside jokes with friends of mine. If I had a pull-string, that'd be what I wailed when it recoiled. The birth of this phrase happened like all personal taglines do, among friends spurred on by some funny moment that sticks to the soul and stays with us through an all-encompassing quote. I know my great friend Jordan in college would always say it. I don't know whether I started her or she started me, but I kept it because of the power I ended up giving the words. But first there's a backstory, like in all self-help tales.
I've always been extremely self conscious. When I was a kid, all the way up until high school, I was noticeably overweight. It affected my posture, my social interaction around pools, and even hanging out with friends. When you're a kid and all of your friends can grab a shirt out of the drawer if you get dirty, but you have to pack a bag because everybody else's shirts are too tight on you, it deflates your confidence. That kind of extreme self awareness gave me a sort of foresight into others and their personalities. I've always felt a very strong sense of empathy for others and their feelings in a given moment. Having that much perspective at a young age can be very heavy for an intellectual type, and it was for me. But at that age, not knowing how to fight a huge gloomy cloud in my mind, I did what I thought would work best : provide a healthy distraction. One thing that I used to channel light into what could be a very gloomy place, was theatre. Through acting, comedy, and dance, I felt validated because the entertainment I provided pleased others. My happiness tends to be a direct result from the happiness I provide others. By the end of high school, through perseverance and focus on my blooming artistry, I was a tall, lean, model-wannabe machine filled with distraction from the darkness.
In college the perceptive little boy I was became an even more perceptive young man, and therefore depression crept its way into my life in a more aggressive and oppressive manner. It was crippling. Being involved in arts and being able to escape my own mind was the only thing that made me feel purposeful. Second semester sophomore year I was only an active student in my dance school, and was in bed crying during most of my academic classes. I ended up accepting a contract with Royal Caribbean international as a dancer at the end of that school year thinking that a change of environment would help, and it did partially. But I, having the overwhelming perspective that I did, and knowing through my weight loss what self-discipline could do, knew that I would have to make a change within myself if I wanted to come out of the tunnel- or at least shed some light in it.
One of the tools I gave myself in that time period that has lasted (and worked) for the past seven years is the phrase for which this blog is titled. "That's Beautiful". Because if perception is a gift I'm given, and depression makes me all too aware of the ugly, I have to make a conscious driving effort to embrace and proclaim what is beautiful. The color green is my favorite. I can walk outside, scan the vast terrain of southern landscape that I live in, and focus on all that is green and growing, and feel that much better about where I am in the big scheme of things. "That's beautiful". When i'm around animals and feel their loving presence, I'm instantly warmed inside. "That's beautiful." When people tell me inspiring stories, or exciting news they receive, I always respond with, "That's beautiful." Because it is. Beautiful in most vocabularies is a superlative of aesthetic pleasure. If something is nice, we say "cute". If someone looks great, we say "she looks really pretty". But every bit of what is unique and special about something is more than just cute or pretty. It's filled with Beauty. Pointing out to myself and others that we are surrounded by limitless unique representations of beauty is encouraging. It's like sitting in a dark dismal room. When I can scan an environment or situation, and appreciate what I'm drawn to, what I'm pleased by, or what inspires me, it's like turning on lamps in that room. Bursts of warm light redressing the scenery to be instantly warmer and more inviting. More liveable. We have power in our words, saying and really meaning positive words empowers us.
I still have depression, but now it's not a crippling weakness or a burden I carry. I view it as a gift because it has given me a deeper understanding of my surroundings and other people. I'm not saying this "mantra" of beauty is a one-stop cure to the effects depression can have. But it sure damn helps. We cannot be our best selves if we don't have everything that goes into being well. Wellness is having a proper balance of the mind, body, and spirit. At the end of the day, we are all souls driving around in skin suits. We cannot forget that. When you become too aware of the outside and neglect the inside, you're not being well. You're being a shell. So if you are having a problem with depression, or just want to improve your outlook, I encourage to find (or feel free to borrow) a personal statement that reflects positivity out into what's around you. Say positive things to yourself in the mirror. If it feels too vulnerable, uncomfortable, or icky for you to do that, then you need to do it more than you probably know. It should feel good to look at yourself and proclaim all you appreciate about what you're given.
I'd love to talk about perspective, depression, or cool ways you like to add "light lamps" in your life. You can message me through the contact page on this website.
You're Beautiful. I love you
ronniep0p