I have something I need to get off of my chest (pun intended).
I’m a lanky, ectomporphic human who has a long slender build, lean long muscles that aren’t huge by any means, and big ole bones. I love my body. Clothes look great on me. Dance looks great on me. Absolutely nothing looks great on me.
2016 ironically has been the year I’ve finally felt most comfortable in my skin and, as it would happen, the year I got the most negative feedback of my body. I’ve had one acquaintance message me and tell me that I have issues that I’m letting take a toll on my body, then basically tell me I either have extreme body dysmorphic disorder or an eating disorder. I’ve also had other coworkers in entertainment tell me I need to work out or eat cheeseburgers.
If you know my personal life at all, you know that I usually don’t go longer than three days without at least one cheeseburger. I eat like a horse. I am fortunate enough to have a horse of a metabolism. I live an active lifestyle where I perform, walk three flights of stairs just to get my apartment (not even considering the amount of dog potty trips daily), and teach dance to teenagers that inspire me to stay a physical example of my class and execution of my choreography.
I don’t go to the gym. Maybe I will this year, but if I do, it will be because I am the one that wants to. Because I want to modify my physical appearance, not because anyone else does.
I live my life hopefully being an example of what it means to unabashedly love yourself and embrace everything you are already ,and harvest that into the best version of yourself- not fit into what peers, strangers, or friends think. Since I started embracing myself, and looking for joy within myself, I’ve been the happiest I’ve been since I was a kid. Adolescence and even early adulthood wears the body, mind, and soul down. On that hard journey, we forget things that made us US early in life. The same things I enjoyed as a kid I enjoy today, because I’m not ashamed of embracing my personal interests. I make believe every day that I’m part of a fairy tale when I’m at Disney, I create movement art and visualize music videos with the girls I teach weekly, and I’ve found a real passion for capturing a person’s internal beauty and tweaking it , in my own point of view, to show others that on the external with my photographs. And I love being free and uninhibited, in any sense of the word.
My mom said when I was a young kid, if anyone left the room for more than a few minutes, they’d come back to find me watching tv in the nude with my clothes on a pile in the corner. Nudity to me isn’t sexual, it’s natural. For a long span of time they middle and high school I was overweight and ashamed of my body. I swam with shirts on, hunched over to hide my chest and stomach, and probably formed my subpar posture from doing so. I don’t do that anymore because I’m proud of everything I physically possess.
So I , because I wanted to do this for myself, took an artistic photoshoot using just light, a hotel room, and me. Because I love the physical being that encapsulates my organs, heart, and soul’s connection to this universe. I respect my body, I try to put the best I can in it (with the exception of some cheeseburgers), and I will continue to lead an active and joyful lifestyle in it. To those who find themselves giving physical advice to others: worry about yourself and your own happiness. To those who question their physical beauty: don’t. The more beautiful you are is directly related to how beautiful you tell yourself you are. I promise. The fact that you are incredibly and undeniably unique is what beauty actually is.
Byoutiful
- click on the slideshow below to view my byoutiful session -
